by Rebecca Kocsis
There was a time in my life when homeschooling was no more than a religion. It was just something I did. It was a habit – albeit an expensive one. After homeschooling for a number of years, I was going through the motions, but it had lost all real meaning. I didn’t feel the same fervor or passion that I did at the beginning. I remember being in the middle of the process. I had just as many homeschool years behind me as I had yet to go, and I was tired. Weary.
I remember thinking, “How do I get excited about this again? How do I rekindle my passion?” I had “left my first love”. In retrospect, it wasn’t a renewed passion for homeschooling that I needed. I had allowed homeschooling to become my idol. Everything I read was about homeschooling. All my friends were homeschoolers. The only thing that I could converse about coherently was homeschooling.
However, any god besides the One True God becomes a cruel taskmaster; even if it is something seemingly good like homeschooling. It will leave you empty and dry. It’ll take everything and give nothing back. What I needed was a renewed passion for God. Have you gotten so busy “doing” for Him, that you’ve lost sight of the fact that you are serving Him; not homeschooling? You’ll get tired of homeschooling, but you will never become weary of living for Christ. There is nothing more satisfying than when you are where God wants you to be; doing what He wants you to do. You are serving Him.
Perhaps you’re going through the motions – keeping up appearances. Outside you look pretty good, but inside your heart are dead men’s bones – uncleanness, lawlessness. I know this sounds harsh. We’re homeschool moms. We don’t have any skeletons in our closets. Everybody knows homeschool moms don’t really sin. Maybe we indulge our flesh a little… drink one too many cups of coffee, have one too many cookies, stay up too late reading just one more chapter – in the name of homeschooling. “I need to read this before I give it to little Susy for her history assignment.” But everybody knows that staying up late at night results in staying in bed late the next morning. Then there’s no time to do your devotions. These are just little compromises with the flesh – not really sin.
Speaking of compromising with our flesh, Major W. Ian Thomas in the Saving Life of Christ wrote, “You compromise at your peril! In your flesh dwells no good thing. Spare it if you will, but it will never spare you. Presume to find something good in it when God has condemned it and the day will come when it will destroy you and rob you of your crown. God says that no flesh will ever glory in His presence. It can only make your body the devil’s plaything…” The devils’ plaything? That sheds a whole new light on indulging the flesh. Regardless of what it is – sin is sin. It’s ugly. It’s deplorable. It’s what sent Christ to the cross. Our little compromises – let us not make light of them.
Maybe you do have what you think is a whole skeleton in your closet. At least it feels like it right now because of the Holy Spirit’s conviction. Do you think that if you keep busy homeschooling, the Lord won’t make you deal with it? You know God wants you to, but you are doing your best to avoid it. Let the Lord deal with it. He doesn’t want to expose you, or put you to shame, or humiliate you. He wants to set you free. Whatever is holding you captive is keeping you from being totally captivated by Jesus, the Lover of your soul. It is keeping you from serving with joy, peace and satisfaction. It is keeping you from perfect fellowship with the Father. It’s robbing you of your crown. Let Jesus cleanse you from it now. Let it go – relinquish it to Him.
Let’s be perfectly honest. We’re all hypocrites. None of us can ever hope to live up to God’s righteous requirements. Our human efforts will never be enough. It’s only through Jesus that we can stand before our Heavenly Father. He does not want us to serve Him by rote – but rather from the heart.